Church With Young Children

If the title of this post exhausts you just by thinking about it or it brings memories from years ago flooding back, this is the post for you. I'm honestly not sure if there is another place that is harder to bring young children. We've had our ups and downs during mass with the kids, that's for sure. I mean, who doesn't like to hear the sound of their child tearing a page out of the missalette?!? (Thankfully it was just the missalette and not the hymn book).

Lately we've struggled a bit more than usual with Cate--I mean what 2 year old doesn't want to sit still, be quiet, and not fight with a sibling? More often than not some nice man/woman/couple will jokingly comment on how tired they are just from watching us. That can't be good, right?!?

Overall the kids do pretty good and we're really making an effort at "active participation" for Will (at least the sitting, standing, kneeling, Our Father, Hail Mary, etc.). Progress is slow (and I'm being generous). On Sunday we had the "privilege" of being seated in the front pew. Cate put on quite the show waving, saying Bravo after the choir would finish singing (thankfully not too loud), and "singing" herself (i.e., singing without knowing the words). Again, thankfully not too loud. After being in said front pew, the very same night we asked Will to say grace before he ate and he proceeded to sing the entire thing, even stepping the notes down in "Christ" when he sang "from thy bounty through Christ" (you know how us Catholics do it). I guess he must have at least been paying some attention to Father Charles during mass that day since he picked that up.

So with that in mind, I wanted to pass on a little blog post someone sent today...

Dear Parents With Young Children In Church
By Jamie Bruesehoff

You are doing something really, really important. I know it's not easy. I see you with your arms overflowing, and I know you came to church already tired. Parenting is tiring. Really tiring.

I watch you bounce and sway trying to keep the baby quiet, juggling the infant car seat and the diaper bag as you find a seat. I see you wince as your child cries. I see you anxiously pull things out of your bag of tricks to try to quiet them.

And I see you with your toddler and your preschooler. I watch you cringe when your little girl asks an innocent question in a voice that might not be an inside voice let alone a church whisper. I hear the exasperation in your voice as you beg your child to just sit, to be quiet as you feel everyone's eyes on you. Not everyone is looking, but I know it feels that way.

I know you're wondering, is this worth it? Why do I bother? I know you often leave church more exhausted than fulfilled. But what you are doing is so important.

When you are here, the church is filled with a joyful noise. When you are here, the Body of Christ is more fully present. When you are here, we are reminded that this worship thing we do isn't about bible study or personal, quiet contemplation but coming together to worship as a community where all are welcome, where we share in the Word and Sacrament together. When you are here, I have hope that these pews won't be empty in 10 years when your kids are old enough to sit quietly and behave in worship. I know that they are learning how and why we worship now, before it's too late. They are learning that worship is important.

I see them learning. In the midst of the cries, whines, and giggles, in the midst of the crinkling of pretzel bags and the growing pile of crumbs, I see a little girl who insists on going two pews up to share peace with someone she's never met. I hear a little boy slurping (quite loudly) every last drop of his communion wine out of the cup, determined not to miss a drop of Jesus. I watch a child excitedly color a cross and point to the one in the front of the sanctuary. I hear the echos of "Amens" just a few seconds after the rest of the community says it together. I watch a boy just learning to read try to sound out the words in the worship book or count his way to Hymn 672. Even on weeks when I can't see my own children learning because, well, it's one of those mornings, I can see your children learning.

I know how hard it is to do what you're doing, but I want you to know it matters. It matters to me. It matters to my children to not be alone in the pew. It matters to the congregation to know that families care about faith, to see young people... and even on those weeks when you can't see the little moments, it matters to your children.

It matters that they learn that worship is what we do as a community of faith, that everyone is welcome, that their worship matters. When we teach children that their worship matters, we teach them that they are enough right here and right now as members of the church community. They don't need to wait until they can believe, pray or worship a certain way to be welcome here, and I know adults who are still looking to be shown that. It matters that children learn that they are an integral part of this church, that their prayers, their songs, and even their badly (or perfectly-timed, depending on who you ask) cries and whines are a joyful noise because it means they are present.

I know it's hard, but thank you for what you do when you bring your children to church. Please know that your family -- with all of its noise, struggle, commotion, and joy -- are not simply tolerated, you are a vital part of the community gathered in worship.